...

I've got a shitload of pictures to put up but I've been extremely busy, I'll try and put them up next week or something.

Also, I've got a business venture in mind, won't talk about it, its still awhile away before we can even feasibly attempt it, but its going to be cool, and I think its a pretty original idea. When it gets off the ground I'll talk about it. Until then...

"I have never been as happy as I am today, but then the seasons turned and darkness came."

School is back in session, hopefully I'll think of some interesting things to say again to draw back the tons (more like dozens) of hits I've gotten in the past...But I don't know, something tells me that my prime is done as a super-cool blogger, I'm semi-over it unless it actually happened, now I'm focusing my ambitions on being super-tumblr famous.

Also I've been dry-heaving on the writings, I did some cool short stuff in bursts usually at 4 am but still...It's iffy on how much density it has.

But but but my singing...atrocious in the past...now is okay and! And, and...I'm really in reggae. Weird? Maybe but it resonates so who can argue with that?

I'm just avoiding the "kill gays" singers though because that's not cool (Sizzla, Buju Banton, Vybz Kartel among others).

Oh right, my summer...Uneventful, no friends, working on music.

More to come later.

"I don't know what else to do, except to try to dream of you, I wonder if you're dreaming too wherever you are."

Hey, I have a few minutes.

Me and Katie were talking about musicals, and how me and her (and probably you) grew up on these overly epic, emotionally deep, and complex movies that were all the rage. Its like, everything (or almost everything, especially animated films) were musicals. Growing up on that I think significantly altered the way I am now in which I am emotional and tend to gravitated towards things that are theatrical. I've been thinking about it a lot lately after showing my brothers Rent, (in which they love and have been reciting ever since, myself included). Its a shame, that even back then the shoddy "straight-to-dvd" basterdized sequel films had quality music and today its dead, where back then I was forced to delve into culture that was epic, heavy, gay, and etc. Back in high school, I ignored this because I didn't think it was punk to like Elton John or something. But when I fell into depression all I could listen to was the Lion King soundtrack. Basically I feel more like myself now than I did then, (though I still love punk, I hardly listen to as much of it now as I did then). I wish though now that I was into MCR back then, I don't care how uncool it was then or is now, I feel like if I was honest with myself and not being all macho or some shit I would be completely emo. Those MCR kids were right all along in my view.

I wrote this on the fly, sorry if its inarticulate.

Check-Up

Hello, mid-summer and I'm looking in, blogger seems a little fucked right now and I have nothing yet to say, hope all is well.

"No we just don't belong."

So its going to be summer break, the drill is that it takes too long for me to get on here so its not worth it. I could type some farewell (for now [maybe]) message but honestly I feel borderline suicidal so I'm not going to bother. Tumblr is queued, but I have nothing for this. Take care guys, I'll try to find some beauty in life while I'm gone.

"Cast the pearls aside of a simple life of need, come into my life forever."

I literally hate keyboards right now. I'm devoting this few minute session of hate in the name of you. Summer's coming up and I will not have time to fill these black pages of stories, nor will I even be able to.

Fuck off over to my tumblr if you want daily shit I've queued up.


I feel so stuck, I'm too smart for this shit, but too unfocused and motivated to leave it. Goddamnit I'm not sure what to do about anything.

Wah wah wah, whatever I know, who do I think I am?

"No ceiling on hard living, peace keepers keep on breathing."

I wonder if I actually have regular readers...

I'm about to graduate from university. I'm not sure what to think about that. On one hand I'm happy to be jumping from this sinking ship known as the California public education system, on the other hand I'm going to be swimming back onto it if (and by if I mean probably) I'm accepted into the master's program. On another third hand, oh hey, its life, and its pissed. This is the worst time in a long time to be entering it, and especially for someone like me who will not kill another person for a job and has these problems with studying, focusing, and being a happy and motivated person in general. Not to mention I wasn't cool enough or something to be accepted into the UC graduate program.

Well...Whatever...

I just got through 2001: A Space Odyssey, I've forgotten how amazing Arthur C. Clarke was.

"I'm not your lover, I'm not your friend, I am something that you'll never comprehend."

Eric: "Look over there, its Hitler!"

Ryan's were-in-the-subway-and-it-smells look.

The stories this sign implies.

I found this hat in my mom's closet and I'm stealing it. Its a sequins American flag hat! Have you ever seen anything as gauty as that?

I love it.

"Its in your head. Filler."

I kind of just don't have anything to say really. I finished another term paper with the week and a half I had to write it, seems like enough, but I work really slow and I have ADD so it was close, probably realisitically had 2 more hours of working time after I was done.

And its really hard to take care of yourself when you're writing. My body falls into a sad physical state where I can't shave, shower regularly, eat right...My body took a strange quality of skin grease this time...Seemed almost acidic because when I took a shower my skin would burn.

Too much information maybe, but whatever, I'm still a good-looking person.

Go on here when I have nothing to write about, its just a quilt-work of shit that makes my personality essentially. http://shaquille-o-nihilism.tumblr.com/

Filler.

Next time won't you sing with me?

Public education is fucked anyway.

"Wear your own name."

This balances out the whole Reagan thing.

"So who truly is to blame for the death of my stupid neighbor? I blame independent record stores." pt. 2

Record Store Day is coming up.

So I thought I'd talk about my craziest record store find. I'll take pictures of the record and edit it into this post later...

Band: Cheesecake
Record: Coq Fighter, 7" on Maroon vinyl
Where: Freakbeat Records
Why: Personalized note/sticker/flyer
How much: $6-8$

Never heard of this band before seeing this record, but I gathered from the record label that they were from Boston. They are Riot Grrrl, formed sometime around the early 1990s which would make them one of the first Riot Grrrl bands and have remained extremely obscure. They kind of sound like Mika Miko. Anyway, I happened across this while digging through the 7 inch bin at Freakbeat, which is just a box full of them in random order so it requires you (for better or worse depending on what you find) to just look through the entire thing. So this record catches my attention and I listen to it (because they let you listen to records that are already open, i.e. the used records) and I liked it. Upon closer inspection, I found a handwritten note in the jacket on the back of a concert flier, from the drummer of the band...To Phranc! At the time, I didn't know who Phranc was, but I was soon to find out when I bought "Captain My Captain" from Team Dresch and doing a little google search when I got home.



Also included was a sticker, I asked about it and the guy working there said that it actually did belong to Phranc and that she dropped if off fairly recently, I also picked up a Tribe 8 record there that I also assumed to have belonged to Phranc.

I don't know how many copies of the maroon colored vinyl of this there are, I can hardly find any info on Cheesecake itself let alone their releases, but its really good.

Some of the members of Cheesecake later went on to form this band.



[Edit, i.e. that thing I said I was going to do.]

Front cover.

The whole deal.

The sticker.

The flyer.

The note on the back of the flyer.

Lyrics sheet.

The back cover.

It's Harmless

I'm foreign this trial
Fucking flowers stuck in sin
To the Prince proper or 'Little' and
Damn it! I see it!

And this poem rhymes
Too scrawny for power but
Too fat to love her and
Nothing ... but nothing ...

Will take the pyrite out of the hulls
Of ships made of gold with even golder souls
Or help me understand this play-at-arms-length
To break the ice between me and Brecht
Or stop me from smiling despite the fact
I think this act will kill me though I don't know how
And stop this search engine powered sweet-fuck-nothing
To stop you from loving me now

I don't post finished material, its weird, but I guess I post stuff whenever I feel like its enough for here.

"This nobody doesn't deserve anybody."

Term paper writing again, deadline, 10 days from now...More accurately 9 days. Already I'm getting the feeling that the computer is weightless and floating away from me, and already I feel envy for every beautiful, sharp-dressed person out there doing shit that I would so much rather do. This year is difficult, International Organizations, fucking boring, no way around it. I've spent all day today making sure of that.

This is honestly a weird feeling.

I'm good at writing though, the problem is that I think my ADHD is getting worse, I can't fucking focus.

I have to stand in front of class tomorrow and talk about the book I've been reading for a "book review" (essentially a glorified book report), I'm doing Fear and Loathing: On the Campaign Trail '72, its really good, but I'm less than halfway through it...

"Some book reviewer whose name I forget recently called me a 'vicious misanthrope' ... or maybe it was a 'cynical misanthrope' ... but either way, he (or she) was right; and what got me this way was politics."

Its true, it does that to you, I can relate heavily with Hunter S. Thompson on this.

But anyway, yeah, I hate hate hate presenting anything, and usually I'm in such a bad mood that I do not care to do a good job.

Well, yeah, Spring Break is over, this week will be gruelling, as they all seem to be.

Comadre/Touche Amore is playing in Pomona this Saturday, expect to see me there.

"We're dying on the inside."

Made a quick stop at Hollywood Forever Cemetary with my brother Eric.

 Apparently, Dee Dee was buried there too but we didn't know about it. We'll have to go back.

This motherfucker attacked me.

As I was getting a picture of this.

Family plot, not just stating the obvious.

Whoring it up.

On another note:

I bought these cut-offs from Amazon, pretty cool I dare say.

I'll be out on Spring Break, as usual, slow internet connection at home means I won't be on for a week. Have fun kids.



First rule of Tyler Durden, you do not dress like Tyler Durden.

I'm not going to put up the photographic proof, but google it.

I bought the pants (see previous post [not about bugs]). Expensive, but still cheaper than anywhere else, got them at a special price. They are not quite as dramatic as the picture on the website, but I think that'll change with age, (they already appear to be doing so).
Clothes for boys are very boring, and fucking overpriced. Yes, I noticed. I was in Forever 21 just a few days ago with Katie...$20 for girl's skinny jeans...That's with flower print too (something different). I have to pay $40 for one pair of Levi's, plain. I looked at the men's section tucked away in the darkest corner of the store (probably because all of the dark clothes sucked the light away, and thats Forever 21, which as you may know is made to look like the spaceship in 2001: A Space Odyssey), seemed like only 1/50th the selection as compared the girls and nothing I didn't already have in some other form/brand or have seen before. So, I want to know what the deal is here. Not that I buy a whole lot of shit at the mall, but still, sometimes I need a pair of goddamn jeans right away and I can't wait to find one at Goodwill or Marshall's.

Overall, it seems that clothes for boys are 2-3x as much, and they are mostly extremely dull so I'm getting less for what I pay for.

At any rate I also got this on amazon.

Pretty swag I think, and only $8, I'm calling it my "Rrreech Bitch" belt, totally zef. If anyone has a recommendation or two for good fashion blogs that are (though not necessarily exclusively) for guys, not overbearingly hipster, NOT offensively douchey/macho (some of the shirts on amazon were shocking in the assholery), and interesting, hit me up on it. Also any brands that are cool. I like beta unit, but they are expensive and I'd like to mix it up. Also maybe something with more color? Maybe? I mean, I would like options, sometimes black/white/grey/sometimes blue gets boring and I want to throw something in that's bright, I don't know maybe that's stupid and I don't realize it.

"It's a Kafka high. You feel like a bug."

Recurring theme in my life right now...Turning into insects.

I've been reading "The Metamorphosis" by Kafka and "A Scanner Darkly" by Philip K. Dick.
I've watched "The Fly", and "Naked Lunch".

All of these in a span of a couple months. Perhaps this is a time of transformation, I feel like things are changing.

"Walk walk fashion baby, work it move that thing crazy."

Only when something is of last season's line do I want it. Beta Unit is an independent label that I've been eyeing recently. Kind of a 90's grunge-alt-computerized-post apacolyptic feel to it. I really love their skinny jeans especially (spit-fit as they refer to it). I'm trying to get my hands on this...

Sold out on amazon just as I got the gift certificate. I hate it when that happens. I tried contacting the company, because I'm desperate and can't afford the full price, I'll have to see where that goes.
Also I've been exercising again. I'm trying to cut weight and be slimmer. I looked at my pants from high school and it was depressing to see how tiny I was. I used to be a 29 easy. Now I'm a struggling 32 (probably more accurately a 34 but I can't handle the truth).

I really fucking love those pants. But I can't afford them any other way. Fashion hurts when you're fat and poor.

"It was a wild decade. The Gulf War was over once and for all, a struggling artist named Matt Groening hit it big with Futurama, and young people had faith in their dreams thanks to a little show called Melrose Place."

I chose Whitney Houston's version of the National Anthem because of the symbolism.

All songs were released in 1991.

Smashing Thumpkins? Someone get Steve Oedekerk on that.

"He drove his kind of realism at me so hard I bounced right into nonobjective painting."

I'm Jackson Pollock.
Brain-matter on concrete.

I dream in slasher-movies.

A group of scientists (not sure what kind) stuck on a ship. Killed sort-of in a "Saw" way, though I've never seen the series. Its too realistic for me, I prefer the David Cronenberg campy-violence fashion.
Also I do not like the impersonal slaughter in movies, I get to thinking too much about the person being murdered and before that sets in its on to the next person. Like cows in a beef processing plant. That's why "Doctor Rat" was such a good book, you get pigs philosophizing while on the conveyor belt.

Anyway two of the scientists had the opportunity to escape with a lifeboat, however they couldn't just walk to it, they were on the deck but could not just walk to the lifeboat, they had to stay such-and-such feet away and find a way to get in it.


The pants I want to buy over amazon has just lowered in price. However there are only 4 left which is why I'm not going to say which pants they are (sorry). I just need to cut down to a size 30 waist (as it is, I'm somewhere between 34-32) and I need to get that gift certificate (which will hopefully come soon). If this works out, I can score $180 pants for less than half-off.

"Rather be dead than cool."

I fail to understand why everyone is like, "grunge grungy grunge flannel" about the 90's.

Fabulous.